By Lisa Dion, LPC, RPT-S
“When I sink into the tornado and allow myself to just spin and swirl, somehow I find the eye and soon the sun comes out.”
Have you ever felt like life was spinning so fast that you were caught up in a tornado? I have had many periods in my life where I felt caught up in a giant whirlwind, sometimes losing a sense of where I was going and feeling that only destruction was part of my path. I have felt so lost, confused and overwhelmed that I tried to grab onto something to help me feel the ground under my feet, only to find that there was nothing there, except myself. For someone who finds herself battling the illusion that having control is the best way to go, these periods have been very disorienting. Who am I? Where am I going? What am I destroying? What am I creating? What is meaningful? What can I depend on? These are the types of questions that tend to emerge in my psyche during these chaotic times.
I forget to let go. I forget that a tornado has two sides. Deep inside the tornado’s chaotic and destructive force exists a poised calm center (interesting that it is called an eye). It both takes in and releases. It destroys and also creates opportunity for new growth. I forget that I have a choice to see both sides and not just stay focused on the chaos.
I notice that when I am not willing to let go and want to hold on to old beliefs about how I think I should be, how others should be and how the world should be, that I often attract a giant crazy tornado into my life to stir everything up.
I also forget that sometimes the wisest thing to do is not question what is being destroyed. I sometimes find myself spinning in the tornado screaming, “No, don’t destroy that. Yes, destroy that. Swerve over here. Faster over there. Slow down. Avoid that. Attack this!” and on and on. I cry because something got destroyed that I was really attached to and get mad that something did not get destroyed that I thought I wanted to be gone. I forget that the tornado is my creation and comes up from the depths of me with a much greater knowledge and understanding about what I need and don’t need. I find that when I sink into the tornado and allow myself to just spin and swirl, that somehow I find the eye and soon the sun comes out.
This all leads me to the question, “Is my chaos really chaos?” Or, is it the necessary energy needed to reorganize my priorities and beliefs so that I can unleash greater and greater potential within myself? Maybe the degree of my chaos is balanced by the degree of my potential.
What I know with certainty is that every once in awhile I need a big powerful crazy spinning tornado to come along and help me get to where I want to go. The question always seems to be, “Can I let go enough to thank the tornado?”
