You’ve likely heard the phrase:
“Just be yourself.”
Every time I hear it, I chuckle a little—as if it’s that easy.
In the Business of Therapy course, I teach the concept that “your business is a reflection of you.” So, as you’re building your business, it becomes even more important to just be yourself.
But the truth is, being your authentic self is one of the hardest things you can do. And building a business that is congruent with your authentic self adds another level of challenge to the equation.
Why Is Authenticity So Hard?
Let’s go back to our evolutionary wiring. For thousands of years, survival depended on staying connected to the group—the herd, the tribe, the collective. If you wandered off on your own, you faced real danger—because isolation meant vulnerability.
So deep in our circuitry is an unshakable instinct:
- Stay connected.
- Belong.
- Don’t be different.
And yet—authenticity asks us to do the exact opposite.
The Conflict Between Belonging and Being Yourself
Stepping into who we truly are often requires us to:
- Stand apart from the group.
- Challenge norms and expectations.
- Risk rejection, judgment, or even losing relationships
And our nervous system doesn’t like that.
So when we struggle with fears of:
- Rejection
- Not being accepted
- Losing connection with others
…it’s not just in our heads. It’s in our biology.
Overriding the Instinct to Play Small
Authenticity isn’t just about expressing yourself—it’s about overcoming the deeply ingrained fear that stepping fully into who you are means losing safety.
Now, add to this mix your dream to have a business and to work for yourself—to make your own decisions and be independent. You can see how that also requires you to step away from the tribe.
Instead of working the traditional 9-5 salary job with the safety of paid time off, the retirement plan, and health insurance, you’re stepping away from those norms and stepping into isolation.
This is scary stuff.
Your nervous system is on high alert:
Your fears about money morph into biological concerns like:
- How will I eat?
- Pay my rent?
- Survive?
Your fears of rejection consume your thoughts:
- What if no one wants my services?
- What if no one chooses me?
And then the isolation sets in:
- Who will I talk to?
- I’m all by myself now.
- What if something goes wrong?
And at the same time, you’re struggling with the question that plagues all creative people:
Do I have anything original to add? Hasn’t this all been done before (even better, by someone else)?
As a new business owner, you have a lot of perceived competition—and a lot of perceived expectations about what business owners should be doing (or not doing) based on what you’re seeing from others.
So, you constantly grapple with fitting into what you think is expected while also trying to stand out from the “competition.”
And because of those ingrained biological fears about safety, business owners often trade authenticity for belonging. They do what others are doing instead of what they truly envisioned—because it feels safer. They downplay their uniqueness to try to fit into the marketplace.
Being a business owner requires you to intentionally act against these biological needs for safety and belonging—because what is most likely to make your business successful is how well you are doing at being you.
Remember: your business is a reflection of you.
Being fully yourself means overriding a survival instinct that has existed for generations.
So if it feels hard—it’s because it is hard. And when you’re building a business that is also an authentic reflection of you, that can be even more challenging.
But it’s also the path to embracing your full uniqueness and authenticity. And it is the first step in building a successful business.
You can overcome the fear of isolation by finding like-minded people who are on this journey too.
The Business of Therapy course is where you find your new community—your people who understand that being in business is scary, but you’re doing it anyway! It’s a community where people are being themselves and where we don’t view each other as competitors—we understand that because we all have something unique to offer, there really is room for all of us to succeed.
So next time someone casually says, “Just be yourself!”—or you see it on a coffee mug or T-shirt—remember: that’s no small thing.
And give yourself a reminder that it’s also the key to running a successful business.
Much love on the journey,
Lisa
